Mary Clare's birthday is Monday and I really am surprised at some of the thoughts and feelings I am having. Around all of my children's birthdays I go through a mini time warp in my mind, reviewing what I was doing this time X number of years ago. This time review includes, not only the actually day they were born but also previous birthday celebrations and general kid milestones, first steps, first tooth, first truly funny joke, etc...
So as her birthday creeps up I am full of mixed feelings. I don't think I can even write about them because I am still working them out. I am surprised by this because she the most anticipated of all the kids. We worked and waited and prayed for her before she was even born. Even with all of the articles, books and general information I have devoured on Chinese adoption, knowing the various conflicted emotions other moms had regarding birth parents and abandonment, I believed I was pretty immune to the turmoil for some reason.
Look, we pursued her and wanted her, we love the stuffing out of her and now here she is! End of story.
But, it is just not so simple.
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