3 months ago

**okay this turned out to be a somewhat long post, but I just couldn't express this in 3 paragraphs or less!**


So we have had MC for 3 months now. We met her on April 5th in a muggy office waiting room on the other side of the world. In 3 months, so much has happened that it is hard to absorb it all.

When she was handed to us she was limp and soft like a sack of flour. We had to support her neck just like a newborn. Her eyes were huge and while she was mostly inexpressive, her eyes let us know that she was present, aware and very seriously observant. She stared at each of us in turn, barely looking away for only seconds at a time. On the way back to the hotel she slept and Lee and I took that time to examine her little body and count finger and toes and snuggle the neck pudge etc...

As I am typing this she is bouncing in the johnny jump up and giggling and cooing at her brother Luke and he swings her and assists her bouncing so she can go higher. She loves the bouncer and can get going in such a rhythm she will catch air.

On Saturday, after Luke and Laine's birthday party at C.E.C., we met up for dinner with 2 couples from our travel group. One of the couples has a daughter from the same orphanage and they are days apart in age and the other couple's daughter is almost a year older and she was from another orphanage (we traveled as a combined group made up of parents from 2 orphanages). It was really nice to be together and to see how the girls have changed. One thing that was obvious though is how well MC is doing especially in relation to eating and verbalizing. Honestly, the comparisons are not something I think on often, probably because Mary Clare is exactly where she should be developmentally for her age. She has no discernible differences at this time to any other 11 month old who was not institutionalized so it is easy to forget that she was.

Being with the other babies and talking about things that naturally come up (how is she eating? sleeping? talking? moving? etc) I am faced with how different things could have been. I think I am struggling a bit with some sort of guilt about that. I found myself being silent during those conversations and scanning my brain to think of something I could jump in with that Mary Clare was dealing with. There just isn't anything. Why was I trying to find something to worry about or an issue to deal with?

I did overheard one of the Moms admit that it is hard not to compare her daughter to Mary Clare. Even though she knows all babies are different and reach milestones at individual stages, she still somehow felt anxious seeing how our girls are going at different paces. We discussed different temperaments and personalities but still she can't help but compare them. We have been together several times since returning home, but until this weekend I never knew it was bugging her.

Also, within the internet adoption community there is so much discussion about 'issues', r anging between the interracial aspect, the difference of cultures, abandonment, attachment, development and so on and so on. Of course this is important and necessary. However, with all of the discussion on the difficulties and problems associated with Chinese adoption we can forget to note and praise and even discuss the multitude of positives.

We have a new daughter, sister and grand-daughter! She is a member of this community. She has a church family and an extended family with aunts and uncles and cousins. She is so freaking cute, she makes complete strangers squeal with delight. She knows her name, she reaches for me and other people she finds interesting. She laughs at her brothers and sister. She splashes in the pool. She drools a lot. She eats food, as well as fuzz, leaves and possibly a dead bug or two. She snuggles on my shoulder and sucks her thumb. She knows we are her family and that we love her. I believe she loves us too.

The plain truth is, Mary Clare is just doing great. She is adjusting so well, I don't even evaluate the adjustment anymore. I am briefly surprised when someone asks us about it. And, I am so incredibly grateful and glad that is our current reality. At the same time, I don't want this wonderfulness to separate us from the adoption community. The whole family making process doesn't end with our return from China. We will be building our family unity and identity for the rest of our lives.