Next Generation

This was taken this summer at Lee's cousin's wedding. The kids include my 4 (the pasty ones) and their cousins. Will and Jack are Paul and Kim's twins. Paul is Lee's cousin and Kim is his wife. Kim was adopted from Korea and has graciously endured my pesty questions about being an interracial adoptee. The beautiful little girl on the bottom step is Isabelle. She is 5 and she is Alicia and Noe's daughter. Alicia is Lee's cousin. Alicia's dad (Lee's uncle) is from Chile and Noe is from Mexico.

On APC lately, race discussions have pretty much dominated the list. When we first decided to adopt, race just was a non-issue. I did talk with Kim and was able to get some insight on being an Asian American adoptee, but she is just one lady, as sweet as she is. Her reaction to the adoption was very positive and so for the next few months the inter-racial aspect of the adoption really was put further on the back burner. I was tucking this thought into the back of my mind; "Hey c'mon, I talked to Kim! She was adopted from Korea and look how great she turned out!" Yeah a kind of cop out I know, but we were pretty busy with the paperchase, then the move etc....

Now with all of this new time to kill waiting for the damn referral I guess I will reluctantly get my head out of my ass. I should start paying more attention to this issue and internally address the realities my daughter might encounter living as a Chinese adoptee. Thanks CCAA, like I need one more thing to obsess over. Great.

I understand that I do need to be more aware(?) of the ding dongs who might think less, or more, about my daughter because she is Chinese. What I am confused about though is exactly what I can actually do. Do I need to sit down with my kids (7,6, 3 and 3) and have a briefing or something on how to handle Racist Jerks who might dis their baby sister? That just doesn't seem authentic to me though. Honestly, I don't want us to become a a very special episode of Family Ties or something.

I think in the reality of our family they will all learn (Baby Smoosh included) to deal with the racism as they see us doing. And we will always talk openly with them when the questions and comments happen. Our social worker mentioned that we are already dealing with being Highly Visible Family and that is certainly a good thing we have going for us as an adoptive family (yay us!). She was referring, of course, to the fact that we have 4 small kids, including a set of the oh so adorable and coveted boy/girl twins.

We hadn't thought of it before, but we do have experience dealing with some highly personal public questions regarding our family status. We get plenty of looks (usually ranging from looks of pity to looks of admiration of which we feel very unworthy. the pity ones of course.) Strangers have asked me intimate details about my sex life and fertility, sometimes in loud and insistent tones. Usually though our encounters with the Curious Strangers are more harmless, just annoying. At times when we are approached by a CS, my wary and jaded older boys break into a set routine with sometimes deadpan delivery.

CS: Say there, what a big family you have.....(pause while we wait for the comic genius)........You must have your hands full!

Jake, answering for Mom: yes sir, full of love.

Ryan: My name is Ryan. I am 6. They are Luke and Lainey. They are twins. They are three years old. That is Jake he is 7. He is the oldest.

Jake: We are not twins. We are 14 months apart.

CS: So are the twins identical?

Ryan: No,man! Luke is a boy!

CS: Are you sure? Cause they look an awful lot alike.

Jake semi discretely rolls his eyes. Ryan not so discretely sighs and looks up at me.

Patient Mother, trying to herd her flock of cats through the crowded parking lot, in the rain: Yes, we are sure. Have a nice day!

Trying Not to Waste Time

I was enduring the Wait just fine until the last couple of months. Now it is excruciating. I have to consciously and continuously push thoughts involving anything involving China, adoption, travel, babies, bird flu etc...out of my mind.

It is officially mid-November and Thanksgiving is just around the corner. There is so much to do this time of year and I really really really want to enjoy this season and live in the present. It is important not just for my kids' sake but my own. I cannot just spend this season passing time away until we will get more news on the referral.

We are leaving for the Farm on Monday and will be there for about a week. Lots of folks that we do not see very often will be there. (My MIL have several random relatives and distant relations. I am just a married in folk, but I have always been warmly welcomed) I have been there once before 4 yeras ago. I had just found out I was PG, but we didn't know it was twins yet. I felt pretty crappy and I still enjoyed the trip overall.

This year will surely be even better. The kids are older, I won't be barfing and my SIL Nancy will be there too.

When we get back it will be the beginning of Advent. I am looking into starting a new tradition for our family this year, the Jesse Tree. It is where you set up a tree (real or fake, miniature or big, even a poster) and then add an ornament a night until Christmas. The ornaments all represent a Biblical event or prophecy leading to the birth of Christ.

I also thought it would be nice to give it away after Christmas to another family, passing along the tradition and then each year making another one.

Push Repeat Button

I went to a get together last night with my friends from college. Lauren was in town from Savannah so it was a good excuse for everyone to see each other. We took the kids and they were actually terrific and didn't destroy Ashley's home.

The sucky thing was having to answer the question "So, how's the adoption going?" 6 times! I kid you not. I should have just gathered everyone in a room and made a Big Announcement at one time. This was what I actually said (for full effect, re-read this 6 tmes): "Well, we originally thought we would be travelling sometime in January, but there is some big holdup in China. We are just hoping to be able to go by summer"

Then, after each of the 6 statements we had a mini Q and A where they would ask the basic 5 Ws and I acted like a PR person for Chinese adoption trying to field questions from reporters.

For some, the difference between domestic and Chinese adoption became more clear and there was just some good old fashioned edumacation going on. I was able to share why we chose China and that even though there is a delay in the referals we are at least 99 percent sure that we will be getting a daughter, unlike some domestic adoption situations where there is much more uncertainty.

However, there is one big unspoken question that remains for almost everyone who learns of our decision to adopt "Why in the world are you adopting when you already have 4 kids?" I know this question is hovering in their minds and is sometimes at the tip of their tongue. How do I know this? Because I am a mind reader! And of course, I probably would have the same thought if I met a family like us.

So, what I have to say is......None of your stinkin' business, you nosy noodle!

Nah, not really. I would love to explain, but the truth is there is just not a short easy way to explain this. Sorry, no neat little soundbite. Maybe I will blog about this because I think it is probably something my daughter will wonder as well and I want to be able to fully explain why we felt so compelled and driven to pursue her adoption.

Likely, it will be a lifelong process of helping her understand our unconditional love for her, just like for all of our kids. She will have the added questions of why me? why now? and why China? Maybe it will take a life time to explain the answers to her.

Nonetheless, I will try valiantly to reduce a lifetime of understanding to a simple blog. Nutty.