I couldn't really write anthing yesterday. I spent lots of time looking at the blogs that had profiles of the victims. That concept was awesome and the results were so moving and inspirational. That was good because I really needed that yesterday. I also watched the 60 min. show on Sunday where they highlighted the "Tuesday's Child" group for children of 9/11 victims. As far as other media, I completely and purposefully avoided all coverage.
As long as I can remember I have had a habit of hearing or seeing a situation and then putting myself completely there. It happens in a second and almost unconsciously sometimes. I will picture myself right there in that moment and I even sometimes have actual physical sensations. In simple matters like watching a kid fall off a bike I will feel a pain, an actual pain, at that moment. It is not a pain like a scrape on the knee, but a pain in the middle of my body, the pit of my stomach. It doesn't have to be my kid, it could be someone else's or a grown up. It could be someone just telling a story or even a video. AFV can drive me crazy but it is also good 'therapy', the first few crotch shots really get me then I get more numb.
So even simple things like falls and scrapes get to me, but also heavy emotions like joy and fear. Those emotions affect me physically as well, and not just my own experience of them, but it works the same; witnessing something, a story, a video.
Interestingly, fiction or drama doesn't affect me as strongly if at all. It has to be really, really good to get me to suspend my sense of disbelief. I am just very sensitive to real life situations, no matter how far I am removed from them.
So 9/11 sucks for me. I didn't know anyone who was killed. I don't know anyone intimately who even lost a loved one. I live in Georgia for Heaven's sake. I feel guilty for being so affected by this while being so far removed.
Still, it is close to horrifying to even poke at my memory of that day or to watch media coverage of the events. Yesterday, I accidentally saw a picture of the second plane about to crash and I just was paralyzed, immediately picturing myself on board and imagining all of that sensation. I shudder typing this.
May they Rest in Peace. God Bless the 9/11 families.
3 comments:
I know what you mean about getting a physical sensation when you see someone in pain. You've put your finger on why being a trauma physician (or any job in an E.R.) is pretty much the most horrifying job I can think of.
I am the same way, Tracy. And, yes, it does suck! I couldn't sleep for weeks after 9/11 because everytime I closed my eyes, I was in those stairwells when the buildings collapsed. I ended up saying the Rosary every night for a couple weeks just to get those images out of my mind so I could sleep.
Robin H.
I am the same way too and posted similar thoughts a few days later. All the time leading up to 9/11 I hold my breath.
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