Top Ten List 2005
1. Rather than purchase a 20 ft. monster truck to crush all cars on (*******), we decided to move closer to Lee’s office in (*******). Please note our new address.
2. Surprisingly, despite Lee’s felonious record (remember the Incredible Shark Tooth Necklace Caper 1992?), The Chinese Government has approved us to adopt a daughter. We hope to travel to bring her home in spring 2006.
3. In financial news, Huggies (HGZ) stock dropped 30% in April 2005. Reputable analysts attribute this sharp decline to the amazing simultaneous potty training of Luke and Laine.
4. Recent family polling reveals that Jake is now funnier than Bill Cosby. In interviews, the four foot tall funny man attributes his growth in funniness to his increasing repertoire of inane knock-knock jokes, a wide range of funny faces, and “the greatest audience this side of the border.”
5. Ryan was awarded a Fall Soccer Virtue Award in the St. Jude’s Kindergarten program. Coaches especially noted how Ryan would always offer a hand to help up a downed player, after he had mowed them down on the way to score yet another goal.
6. Sadly, Tracy failed in her numerous attempts to conquer the infamous Mt. Laundry this year. In her defense she claims that external conditions, such as Laine’s determination to change her clothes no less than three times a day, added to the growth of Mt. Laundry and set new record highs. Plus, the clothes themselves are just getting bigger!
7. Thanksgiving week we traveled to the Blue Farm in Hans Creek, West Virginia with extended family. Much fun was had, including but not limited to: a snowball fight, learning about cow patties, eating lots of cookies but not very much turkey, and playing card games.
8. Lainey enjoys playing dress up in her princess costumes and can sometimes persuade Luke to join in too. He has a red cape and is called to Prince duty quite frequently. Truly, Luke is the Prince of Brothers Who Can Be Bribed With Lollypops To Play Dress Up With Their Sisters.
9. Secret sources site Lee’s reduced 2005 travel to the often speculated upon but never actually confirmed Hilton Honors Diamond Club policy regarding over usage of the “unlimited” tiny soaps. Accordingly, he is now only a lowly Gold Plated Club Member.
10. Tracy continues to set new trends in Cullom Home Management. The Key Hook joins the Shoe Cabinet and Kids Job Charts in a revolution of organization that surprises many who know of Tracy’s disorderly past. Tracy sites St. Anthony, patron saint of the Lost, as her help and inspiration in keeping track of Stuff and for losing her keys 50 percent less than this time last year.
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