Baby Steps

I am not a big Lent fan. I know many people who look forward to Lent as a time of spiritual growth and internal cleansing or whatnot, but I approach it with apprehension. I am faithful and dutiful, and simply, well resigned. 

{http://cartoonsbyjim.com/?sid=76}

Lee is almost gleeful about it. He is so much more generous in spirit about most things than I. He just loves a grand big gesture. More and more I am recognizing the Gollum in me and it seems that every sacrifice and surrender to God's will is just.so.hard. 

Thankfully most Lenten seasons since we returned to the Church have been joyful and incredibly rewarding despite my persistent grumpiness about the whole thing. 

This year I set my mind to have a Productive Lent. I made printouts for all of us, encouraged us to add prayers and so on and not just have sacrifices. The kids blew me away with their big plans. I'm talking big sacrifices and detailed prayer commitments. I mentally shrugged and let them write their promises down in their own folders. Who am I to say well it's a little much don't you think? 

My cynicism was not rewarded because they all followed through for the most part, and I witnessed the struggle they had to maintain their commitments. Very, very humbling is the faith and love of my dear children. 

I guess I could say that I kept my commitments too, but honestly it's not that big of a deal. I always make the slightest of promises and commitments, ones that are challenging enough so that I can keep my head up when I happen to be asked, "what did you give up?"  But not so challenging that I might actually, um, fail. 

One of the things I committed to was a certain amount of spiritual reading. First up on the docket was Happy Are You Poor by Fr. Thomas Dubay.

I was able to get it for my Kindle. So Lent starts on Ash Wednesday, you know? Well, I finished that little book before First Sunday of Lent. It was that absorbing to me. Then, I got Lee to read it and he also finished quickly.  By the time he finished, Lent had barely begun and all of my gentle, staid little Lenten commitments had been turned upside down. 

The Holy Spirit just swooped in and gave me a big shake (and then a big hug too I must add). This read has been an answer to our prayers and a wonderful guide of that infernal question we have had in our family for the last few years, "what next? where is God leading our family?" 

We have been praying this intermittently since just before I became pregnant with Josephine. Does this question lurk and linger in every household? Is it just ours? 

There have been times of clear purpose and direction for us, but also times of fog and deep restlessness and while the gift of Josephine has illuminated the path for a time, it was beginning to get dim again. 

And then we read this book!

I hope to elaborate more but for now, our baby step has been to put the house for sale and to begin saving for the purpose of buying a new home, with some land and buying it outright and not having a mortgage at all. 

I must also share that I found the awesome blog House Unseen not too long after we made this decision and we feel that the Borobia's example has been a real sign to us of God's direction for our family.