Next Generation

This was taken this summer at Lee's cousin's wedding. The kids include my 4 (the pasty ones) and their cousins. Will and Jack are Paul and Kim's twins. Paul is Lee's cousin and Kim is his wife. Kim was adopted from Korea and has graciously endured my pesty questions about being an interracial adoptee. The beautiful little girl on the bottom step is Isabelle. She is 5 and she is Alicia and Noe's daughter. Alicia is Lee's cousin. Alicia's dad (Lee's uncle) is from Chile and Noe is from Mexico.

On APC lately, race discussions have pretty much dominated the list. When we first decided to adopt, race just was a non-issue. I did talk with Kim and was able to get some insight on being an Asian American adoptee, but she is just one lady, as sweet as she is. Her reaction to the adoption was very positive and so for the next few months the inter-racial aspect of the adoption really was put further on the back burner. I was tucking this thought into the back of my mind; "Hey c'mon, I talked to Kim! She was adopted from Korea and look how great she turned out!" Yeah a kind of cop out I know, but we were pretty busy with the paperchase, then the move etc....

Now with all of this new time to kill waiting for the damn referral I guess I will reluctantly get my head out of my ass. I should start paying more attention to this issue and internally address the realities my daughter might encounter living as a Chinese adoptee. Thanks CCAA, like I need one more thing to obsess over. Great.

I understand that I do need to be more aware(?) of the ding dongs who might think less, or more, about my daughter because she is Chinese. What I am confused about though is exactly what I can actually do. Do I need to sit down with my kids (7,6, 3 and 3) and have a briefing or something on how to handle Racist Jerks who might dis their baby sister? That just doesn't seem authentic to me though. Honestly, I don't want us to become a a very special episode of Family Ties or something.

I think in the reality of our family they will all learn (Baby Smoosh included) to deal with the racism as they see us doing. And we will always talk openly with them when the questions and comments happen. Our social worker mentioned that we are already dealing with being Highly Visible Family and that is certainly a good thing we have going for us as an adoptive family (yay us!). She was referring, of course, to the fact that we have 4 small kids, including a set of the oh so adorable and coveted boy/girl twins.

We hadn't thought of it before, but we do have experience dealing with some highly personal public questions regarding our family status. We get plenty of looks (usually ranging from looks of pity to looks of admiration of which we feel very unworthy. the pity ones of course.) Strangers have asked me intimate details about my sex life and fertility, sometimes in loud and insistent tones. Usually though our encounters with the Curious Strangers are more harmless, just annoying. At times when we are approached by a CS, my wary and jaded older boys break into a set routine with sometimes deadpan delivery.

CS: Say there, what a big family you have.....(pause while we wait for the comic genius)........You must have your hands full!

Jake, answering for Mom: yes sir, full of love.

Ryan: My name is Ryan. I am 6. They are Luke and Lainey. They are twins. They are three years old. That is Jake he is 7. He is the oldest.

Jake: We are not twins. We are 14 months apart.

CS: So are the twins identical?

Ryan: No,man! Luke is a boy!

CS: Are you sure? Cause they look an awful lot alike.

Jake semi discretely rolls his eyes. Ryan not so discretely sighs and looks up at me.

Patient Mother, trying to herd her flock of cats through the crowded parking lot, in the rain: Yes, we are sure. Have a nice day!

Trying Not to Waste Time

I was enduring the Wait just fine until the last couple of months. Now it is excruciating. I have to consciously and continuously push thoughts involving anything involving China, adoption, travel, babies, bird flu etc...out of my mind.

It is officially mid-November and Thanksgiving is just around the corner. There is so much to do this time of year and I really really really want to enjoy this season and live in the present. It is important not just for my kids' sake but my own. I cannot just spend this season passing time away until we will get more news on the referral.

We are leaving for the Farm on Monday and will be there for about a week. Lots of folks that we do not see very often will be there. (My MIL have several random relatives and distant relations. I am just a married in folk, but I have always been warmly welcomed) I have been there once before 4 yeras ago. I had just found out I was PG, but we didn't know it was twins yet. I felt pretty crappy and I still enjoyed the trip overall.

This year will surely be even better. The kids are older, I won't be barfing and my SIL Nancy will be there too.

When we get back it will be the beginning of Advent. I am looking into starting a new tradition for our family this year, the Jesse Tree. It is where you set up a tree (real or fake, miniature or big, even a poster) and then add an ornament a night until Christmas. The ornaments all represent a Biblical event or prophecy leading to the birth of Christ.

I also thought it would be nice to give it away after Christmas to another family, passing along the tradition and then each year making another one.

Push Repeat Button

I went to a get together last night with my friends from college. Lauren was in town from Savannah so it was a good excuse for everyone to see each other. We took the kids and they were actually terrific and didn't destroy Ashley's home.

The sucky thing was having to answer the question "So, how's the adoption going?" 6 times! I kid you not. I should have just gathered everyone in a room and made a Big Announcement at one time. This was what I actually said (for full effect, re-read this 6 tmes): "Well, we originally thought we would be travelling sometime in January, but there is some big holdup in China. We are just hoping to be able to go by summer"

Then, after each of the 6 statements we had a mini Q and A where they would ask the basic 5 Ws and I acted like a PR person for Chinese adoption trying to field questions from reporters.

For some, the difference between domestic and Chinese adoption became more clear and there was just some good old fashioned edumacation going on. I was able to share why we chose China and that even though there is a delay in the referals we are at least 99 percent sure that we will be getting a daughter, unlike some domestic adoption situations where there is much more uncertainty.

However, there is one big unspoken question that remains for almost everyone who learns of our decision to adopt "Why in the world are you adopting when you already have 4 kids?" I know this question is hovering in their minds and is sometimes at the tip of their tongue. How do I know this? Because I am a mind reader! And of course, I probably would have the same thought if I met a family like us.

So, what I have to say is......None of your stinkin' business, you nosy noodle!

Nah, not really. I would love to explain, but the truth is there is just not a short easy way to explain this. Sorry, no neat little soundbite. Maybe I will blog about this because I think it is probably something my daughter will wonder as well and I want to be able to fully explain why we felt so compelled and driven to pursue her adoption.

Likely, it will be a lifelong process of helping her understand our unconditional love for her, just like for all of our kids. She will have the added questions of why me? why now? and why China? Maybe it will take a life time to explain the answers to her.

Nonetheless, I will try valiantly to reduce a lifetime of understanding to a simple blog. Nutty.

About Last Night

Last night Lee and I went to dinner and met several couples from the Atlanta area who are also adopting from China and who are DTC/LID near us (5/23) It was great to sit down and talk about things like the current referral delays and how we came to choose China.

Several ladies keep blogs and I felt so guilt for neglecting my own poor little blog, so here I am. Hi. Miss me?

So it looks like we will not be getting our referral at the end of November. In fact it might even be February. Apparently the CCAA has just stopped sending out referrals in the same time frame as they had been. They have really slowed down. My friend who adopted last year was LID in mid-June and was home from China with her daughter by February! The way things are looking now, we might not be travelling to China until March.

I am trying to be positive and I know that someday we will look back on this time and realise that all of this makes sense. We know that our daughter will be placed with us in God's time and as much as it confounds me, His timetable is usually much different than mine!

I promise to be a good blogger and really figure out how to use this thing and add pictures, bells and whistles.

My Summer Vacation

Well not really a vacation actually. About the only thing vacation-like about this summer was the way it flew by. Big changes this summer for The Fam. We sold our 3 yr. old suburban McMansion (the first time I heard that term I was slightly offended, but well, it really fits) and moved closer to the Big City.

We are technically still in the 'burbs but we are so much closer to L's office and the grands. By closer I mean around the corner! It used to take him about 2 hrs of drive time every day on average to get to and home from work. Now, he calls me and says "hon there is traffic and instead of being home in 7 min. , I will be home in 13. Sorry, please don't beat me. " L travels quite a bit too so between the commute and the travel we were not seeing so much of each other. The kids missed him, I missed him, he missed the kids and he missed me (so he says.....)

Thus we packed up our stuff and moved. Our new home was built in 77 and has been sort of updated. It is smaller, mostly because we do not have a sweet basement with a movie theater and wet bar anymore. But now we have an incredible flat cul-de-sac and a nice sized playroom. I really love our new/old house and I told L that after living here 3 weeks it feels more like home than our old/new home felt after three. The layout is perfect and of course the location could not really be better.

The boys all have one room with awesome IKEA bunkbeds that L and I put together. I also got some cool torch looking wall lamps that have a 'flickering' option to make it look all flamelike. IKEA again. Only 15 bucks for those lamps!

Laine will share a room with her new sister, but for now she has her own 'space' where she can meditate and just get away from it all. Her own private oasis in this mess of boyness. Mostly she just jumps on the bed though. Not that she is allowed to jump on the bed mind you, but she is one persistant little lady.

Lee and I share a room too. We have a lovely queen for now and have no plans to move up to a king. Although, come to think of it, many people have lobbyed for us to get a king. I wonder why? Are they getting a stipend or finder's fee from Haverty's? Why do these folks care about the size of our our bed? Is there a King Bed Cult? Are they trying to recruit us?

Anyway lots of sharing going on here which is just normal for a family of 6 soon to be seven!

So anyway with the move and all this summer went by so fast. Faster than any summer since I was in grade school I believe. A hyper-speed summer is actually a good thing this year because it has helped to pass the Big Wait until our referral. I am still hoping for a November referral. So hurry on up Labor Day, Columbus Day, Arbor Day and Halloween!

Am I crazy?

It is very possible that I will be re-using this title again and again.

Tonight I took the kids up to PA because the high schoolers had their spring play "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown" BTW....the actors were good, but man is that a pretty bad play.....

Jake and Ryan were pretty well behaved. They enjoyed seeing the older kids up there on stage. L and L were another story. Mainly Luke. He squirmed and just would not be still. I think he was ticked that everyone wasn't looking at him and clapping for him. Laine watched it mostly and only got a bit restl towards the end. I loved looking at her as she sat in that big chair with her ankles crossed and looked up intently at the stage. I could almost see the stars in her eyes!

It is hard going anywhere with them now that they are PT. They want to go like every 30 min. They just enjoy public restrooms really. Oh and Luke has to strip his pants and his underwear completely off. What a PITA.

I just keep trying to remember that by the time we have Baby Smoosh that they will be so much better and easier and be able to do more for themselves. I may just be kidding myself but it is working for me now, okay?

Short Version of the Paperchase

Ok I am a lamo and I have not written at all about the paperchase part of this adoption process. The truth is it is just not very exciting. You see it is just a bunch of paperwork and red tape. Honestly it is tedious and boring, not too much diary material.

Now though I am regretting not at least writing down what steps we did when, how the homestudy went and when we were fingerprinted etc etc blah blah blah. But I am not going to wallow in the regret too much because...................da da da....IT IS ALL DONE!!!

[this was going to be a short post about how we are now done with the paperwork, but I got a bit sidetracked] Yes, that is right, we finished the paperchase in what I am sure is record time. We are lucky because we have never been married before or had bizzare name changes or criminal histories..uh oh.... I mean I have no criminal history. L on the other hand has quite the rap sheet we discovered.

***** County government has a memory like an elephant. We had to request all the court findings and records bearing his name because he had a hazy and vauge memory of being written a ticket for underage possesion. The record we got has about 4 things on it though! It even included traffic violations from when he was 16! Whew!

No arrests though, right? Just some tickets, right?
Right?

uh uh.

My sweet husband is actually a felon! He was wanted in the state of Florida for skipping out on probabtion. He was leading a double life. However, it is all in the open now. It is with great shame that I reveal to the cyber world that my husband L was arrested at the age of 19 (nineteen, y'all for heaven's sake!) for shoplifitng a shark tooth necklace ( 2.99$) from Alvin's Island in Destin, Fl. Oh and if you are ever there shopping for trinkets and cheesy souveniers and you see him, please do not tell the manager because as part of his sentencing he was banned from Alvin's for life. I will let L be the one to explain the lurid and sordid details of his criminal past. Please, just don't ask him in the middle of the store.

Unbelieveably, the United States still saw fit to grant us the much coveted I171H which is our Official Permission to Adopt a Foreign Orphan. Halleluia!

Finally all of our paperwork,including 12 pictures of 'family life', is at our agency in Denver (Chinese Children Adoption International) and it is currently being translated and will be mailed to China next week.